Clinton McLemore and Les Parrott, Toxic Relationships and How to Change Them. Jossey-Bass, 2008.
Reference in: Church Conflict – Criticism, Difficult People, Difficult Conversations
LifeandLeadership.com Summary
The authors begin with a theology of interpersonal relationships and a psychology of emotionally healthy interactions, suggesting an intersection of health and holiness. From there, they show how our ordinary exchanges become patterned according to a set of hidden rules, some of which may perpetuate a kind of toxicity. They suggest, however, that recognizing the basic drives behind human interactions can improve intimacy with others and also help mend emotionally unhealthy relationships. Next, they describe eight common toxic patterns: controlling, drifting, intruding, freeloading, humiliating, scurrying (whining and appeasing), victimizing, and avoiding. The final section dispels myths about change in relationships and presents “antidotes to toxicity” that help pinpoint dysfunction toward real improvement. They use several examples from real life and prominent Bible characters such as Peter. This is a very hopeful, clear and concise guide to human interaction.
From the Publisher
In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Clinton McLemore— a leading expert on interpersonal relationships— gives you a powerful roadmap for promoting healthy and productive relationships. Toxic Relationships draws extensively from psychological research and Christian theology and is filled with practical strategies you can use to create better communication at home and at work. You will learn how to increase appreciation, tenderness, respect, comfort, and understanding in all of your relationships by recognizing the eight basic “default styles” that most of us use to respond to others. By using biblical examples, Dr. McLemore shows how we can change our own destructive behavior and influence the behavior of others by understanding these eight toxic strategies: Controlling, Drifting, Intruding, Freeloading, Humiliating, Scurrying, Victimizing, and Avoiding.
Create loving and healthy relationships using these proven methods for transforming toxic interactions with others.
About the Author
Dr. Clinton W. McLemore was on the full-time psychology faculty of Fuller Seminary, has consulted for over twenty-five Fortune 500 companies, and has written five previous books including Clergyman’s Psychological Handbook and Street-Smart Ethics: Succeeding in Business without Selling Your Soul. In 1983, he also founded the prestigious Clinician’s Research Digest, now owned and operated by the American Psychological Association. Dr. McLemore is frequently interviewed in the media and is a celebrated speaker.
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