Pegues, Confronting Without Offending

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Deborah Smith Pegues, Confronting Without Offending: Positive and Practical Steps to Resolving Conflict. Harvest House Publishers, 2009.

Referenced in: Summary

This is a practical guide to confrontation, laced with biblical principle. The book is divided into four parts.

Part 1, Confrontation: The Bridge to Harmony, discusses the goal of confrontation and the biblical teaching on dealing with issues before they get out of hand. The author says, “Every offense has the potential to cause a permanent breach in a relationship.” That’s why there is confrontation, which she defines as simply “the act of coming together face-to-face to resolve an issue.” She shows “how to use face-to-face confrontation to build a bridge between conflict and cooperation, between disharmony and harmony.”

Part 2, Biblical Confrontation and Conflict Management, is a great application conflict styles, each of them described in the author’s way, but certainly in keeping with standard conflict styles theory. Each of the conflict styles has a separate chapter:

  • The Dictator: “Do It My Way” (Same as Competing and/or Compelling style)
  • The Accommodator: “Have It Your Way”
  • The Abdicator: “I’ll Run Away” (Same as Avoiding style)
  • The Collaborator: “Let’s Find a Way”

She discusses how each is appropriate, depending on the situation, and offers hhelpful biblical insight into when and how to activate each style for the best outcome.

Part 3, Strategies for an Effective Confrontation, provides a six-step confrontation process, with a chapter devoted to each step.

Step 6: Releasing the Offender

Part 4, Confrontation and Personality Temperament, shows how the P.A.C.E. Personality Profile (similar to DISC Personality Test) helps one understand the strengths and weaknesses of their natural behavioral orientation in the work of confrontation.

  • Passenger (Equivalent to “S” in DISC)
  • Attendant (Equivalent to “I” in DISC)
  • Captain (Equivalent to “D” in DISC)
  • Engineer (Equivalent to “C” in DISC)

While there are more technical volumes on this subject, Pegues is excellent for those needing a quick, popularly-written guide to this important aspect of the ministry of reconcilation.

Publisher’s Description

Where there are people, there are disagreements and misunderstandings. The author of 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue (more than 500,000 copies sold), a popular speaker, and a relationship strategist, Deborah Smith Pegues draws on biblical principles, personal experience, and research to show how to approach difficult situations so relationships are strengthened rather than broken.

Meeting face-to-face to resolve an issue is difficult, but Pegues makes it easier by revealing how to avoid complications, sharing examples of good communication, and offering specific steps for dealing with conflicts. Readers will discover:

  • effective and compassionate techniques for handling conflict
  • practical strategies for resolving conflict
  • how personality types influence discussions
  • suggestions for minimizing defensiveness
  • ideas for developing and promoting cooperation

Confronting Without Offending gives readers the tools to successfully talk over and resolve issues and misunderstandings at home, at work, and in social situations.

About the Author

Deborah Smith Pegues is an astute businesswoman, certified public accountant, Bible teacher, Certified Behavioral Consultant, and international speaker. Her inspiring teaching on walking in “Supreme” confidence financially, relationally, and emotionally has brought healing to people around the world. She has authored 14 books, including the bestselling 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue (over 600,000 sold) and Emergency Prayers. She and her husband, Darnell, have been married more than 33 years.

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